Michele Mele - Blog

I love connecting people…

so I guess the best thing is to just embrace and welcome transitions….and keep trusting ….’cause what’s the option? to be cynical and mistrusting? i can’t do cynical….i keep believing and trusting everyone…..keep trying , keep believing keep moving forward keep growing….never stop loving….

I’m promised myself and the people around me that I would try my best to get 8 hours of sleep every night from now on…..That was about 2 months ago. I”m sure at the time nobody believed me and they were right, I’m not a big fan of sleeping and I love mornings and I love nighttime and even though I try to meditate get back to sleep and write things down and set reminders the ideas seem to keep bothering me when I’m supposed to be sleeping!!!!!

Finally I woke up this morning and realized that YES, I had done it….8 hours of dormant calm had passed!!! Yay. I’m on a roll of 1 !!!!Working hard to make this the norm…..at least for 1 month!!!

I love the first real big frost…..when there are still lots of leaves on the trees and the ground is still green..everything looks sugary and there are diamonds everywhere when the sun hits it.

I think it’s also just the right amount of extra weight on the dry leaves to make them fall from the tree without wind….It’s so peaceful to stand amid the trees and listen to the tiny  soft crackling sound as they windlessly tumble through the tree and rest on the ground…..

Had a lovely dinner last night with one of my ” ladies foursomes”…I have about 4 of them..

This group formed because our little boys have been friends since gr. 3.

We have a wonderful time disclosing everything,the way women do…

k that’s it…

I  keep saying the same thing….

Starting now, blogs will be about stuff that happens….(let’s see how long this will last!)

I used to think it would be difficult to write something for orchestra because you have to convey so much without words.I also thought it would e tedious and time consuming. A long time ago, I wrote an orchestral piece and then again about 3 years ago. As I get older I feel different.I think the difficulty is how much of yourself you’re willing to expose, because if it doesn’t come through in the music it comes through in the words and if it doesn’t quite come through in the words it comes through in the performance……

Why is that so fearful? That is the only way for art to be art.The only way.It has to be bare and exposed or it loses truth…I don’t know why but it does…For me it’s not the big voice or the great finger technique or the perfect phrasing,or the great production or the shocking words or flashy looks,  though all of that is impressive .It’s always been the other thing. The something else..the romance,or vulnerability or honesty that comes out…the part you can’t really put your finger on..the part where you see/feel something right inside.

I think it’s so fearful, for me anyway, because there’s no hiding….even if you try….so, why is THAT fearful….the answer is I don’t know…but I work hard to let go of the fear…..because we’re really all the same,,,,,

That reminds me of a great little book by Rollo May, called The Courage to Create,I must have mentioned it before.My dear friend the potter/painter, Stanleigh, gave it to me.

I always feel like I’m bothering people when I ask them to listen  to my music( I hate calling it MY music because really it’s just …music…I don’t REALLY own it even though I kind of do but….I know that’s starting to sound a bit too “oooeeeeaaaaa bla bla bla” so I’ll save it for another blog about being the vehicle)

Anyway, I’ve decided that if I really believe in music then it will speak for itself and bring joy to whoever listens and so I should let go of that guilty,self deprecating,inferior,subservient feeling….K it’s gone…..

It’s easy to say”the truth is in the music” but it’s really difficult to remove yourself from the equation and trust that the TRUTH really is in the MUSIC…and it is , so I’m letting it be.

It feels good to trust ……

Hmmmmm…..This is not a familiar zone to be in so I guess I don’t recognize when I’m here……

Really though is it grumpy or uncomfortable or frustrated or anxious or distracted or tending to responsibilities when I don’t want to or wearing hats I don’t want to…or is it all the same thing??

hahahahah

That must be it. They all fall under the umbrella of grumpy…and then fall down like raindrops…so if i close the umbrella will the sun come out??

It’s probably that simple.

too much..too much

sometimes i feel like i feel too much….way too much…i get too excited and too emotional and too much just too much…